Just call me eulogy girl

My parents still think I'm 7 years old. They will shield me from bad news or wait to tell me things because they don't want to worry me. So this past weekend, they waited until we got home from Boston on Sunday night to tell us that my Aunt Mary wasn't doing well. By then, it was too late to visit her, so we had to wait until Monday night when I got home from work.

Monday

I get home to get ready to go and visit my Aunt Mary. According to my dad – and my entire family who was able to go and visit her when this happened because they knew about it and no one shielded them from the information – she wasn't doing well. In fact, he said it wouldn't be a good idea for ME to go. But it was up to me. Thanks, Dad, for letting me, I don't know, make a decision for myself.

Before we make it out the door, the phone rings. It's my Grandmother, Aunt Mary's sister.

GRAM: "KK, I was wondering if you would do a eulogy at Aunt Mary's funeral? You did such a good job at Mr. KK's grandmother's funeral."

Don't get me wrong, I am flattered, but my Aunt Mary is still alive.

When we arrived at the nursing home, one of the nurses was sitting by Aunt Mary's bedside. If you knew my Aunt Mary, you knew she was less than politically correct when it came to others' race and religion. Her mouth could put many to shame. But we ignored it because, hey! she was old.

My Aunt was never an easy patient, and the the African American nurse sitting there was the only that she liked. She had brought a little stuffed dog with her, and had tucked it under my aunt's arm. When we got there she got up to leave. "Mary's my girl," she told me.

And then she bent down and gave my Aunt Mary a kiss on the head. There was something about seeing this large woman's dark face next to my Aunt's pale cheek, that small gesture, that instantly brought tears to my eyes. My poor Aunt Mary. As spunky as she was, she still had fans.

Tuesday

Maybe it was my grandmother's sixth sense, but my Aunt Mary passed away last night, shortly after midnight.

I'm so happy that Mr. KK and I got to see her.

I'm not super religious, but I almost feel like she had seen everyone else and was just waiting until we got there – the last ones, of course – to finally give up.

I hope I'm able to write and speak at the funeral, but I don't want to disappoint my grandmother.

I have a lot from which to draw, as my Aunt Mary was quite a character. And even at the very end, when she really wasn't eating or feeling all that well, when I opened up her nightstand drawer last night, it was filled with packets of Sweet 'n Low.

We'll miss you, Aunt Mary.

August is my January

I'm never good with New Year's resolutions.

For example, we are 8 months into this year, and I'm yet to lose any weight, eat any better, drink any less or be any more organized.

So I was thinking maybe I'd be better off making "life changes" now, at the beginning of August. I wouldn't call them resolutions, because then I probably wouldn't do them. But with everything that has gone on in my life lately, it seemed like the perfect time to start making some changes.

So they are, in no particular order:

• start my novel. I've actually already done this (yes, Lori, I swear I have!). I have only 3 pages written, but it's something. and something is better than nothing.

• back my shit up. yes, you'd think I would have done this a year ago, but I didn't. I'm going to do it this month. Promise.

• make more time for me (and Mr. KK). that means spending more time at home, which means maybe saying "no" once or twice at work.

• be more organized. I say I will do it every year. but I'm going to be late with one of my best friend's birthday card, and that's a no-no. I try to NEVER be late with stuff like that. it's too important. but here I am, mailing it the day of. I'm so ashamed.

• revamp my ipod. well, i'm going to try. I will resurrect an old library that I have on my home computer (that has only like 300 songs, but it's better than nothing...). plus, my work buddies have promised to share all of their songs...so that should get me rockin' in no time.

• be a better blogger. I WILL do this. Whatever it takes: novel excerpts, rants about coworkers, grocery lists...

• keep up with my google reader. just because i don't comment, or am a "follower", that doesn't mean I'm not reading and keeping up. think of me as the small, silent type.

• maybe...MAYBE...maybe submit a video for The Next Food Network Star. No pressure and no promises.

Those are the big ones...I'll keep you posted and look forward to your encouragement along with way.

Happy New...August!

iPissed

This morning I went to use my iPod and saw this on the screen:

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this situation was NOT GOOD.

When I got to work I looked up some iHelp and it told me that there were hardware damages to my iPod and I would need to restore it back to its factory settings (read: erase the whole thing) to try and salvage it.

I hear you all saying, "Oh, silly KK, don't worry – you can just do that and then update your iPod off of your iTunes library again!"

Oh, naive reader, how I wish that were true.

When my computer died in the fall, I lost my iTunes library.

Every song.

So, I don't have a library to which I sync up my soon-to-be-restored iPod.

Also? I have one of the oldest iPods on the planet.

It's a fourth generation (were some of you readers even born yet???) that has a click wheel. Old school. Because that's how I roll.

Of course, this also means that I am rolling without ANY songs...

What do you think?

Should I try again this year???

not how I would have put it, but yes...

Today I had an appointment for my annual physical.

The nurse is taking my vitals and asking me all sorts of fun questions.

She refers to my chart and says, "So, your gynecologist is in Boston?"

ME: "Yes. She's a gynecological oncologist." Say that 5 times fast!

HER: "I see you've had a hysterectomy..."

ME: "Yep. A radical one."

HER: "Ohhh, so you don't have anything left."

Nope. Not even a comeback.

and I didn't even eat bananas

I had the strangest freaking dreams last night.

One in particular stood out, as it was the last one I had before waking up this morning.

I can rationalize some of it, but the rest...some crazy shit.

The dream:

My friend Tracey* and I are in NYC, and it's always nighttime, and it's always snowing**.

We are in the city for a dance recital that our boyfriends are starring in. (There are a few things wrong here: 1. i'm not married in my dream. 2. tracey doesn't have a boyfriend. 3. i'm pretty sure if we DID have boyfriends that danced in recitals, we'd break up with them.)

We don't want to stay for the whole show, we just want to catch the numbers our men are in. (This sounds a little more like us). So we ditch as much of the show as we can to go out to eat (Tracey's urgings) and to go shopping (my idea).

We realize we're late for the show, as we know their number is on at 9:20.

We are running through the streets of NYC, in the snow – me carrying a shopping bag – dogding horses (hansom cabs) and cars (taxis).

We get to the show, and the lobby is filled with people. Because we're late. And we've missed them. The performers start filing into the lobby to see their families and friends and receive large bouquets of flowers (which we do not have for our boyfriends).

Tracey finds her boyfriend (who resembles a Celtics player***) and I look around for my beloved. I can't find him anywhere.

I leave the auditorium through the back door and am on a quiet side street in the city (now I know it's a dream...) and I see him standing down the street...with a little child.

This child turns out to be HIS child (whaaaa?) and HE turns out to be...Michael Jackson! My boyfriend is Michael Jackson.

The end.

the explanations I can muster up:
*Tracey has been on my mind because she recently had some surgery.
**Yesterday I posed the question to Mr. KK wondering if we'd have a super snowy winter because we had such a rainy summer.
***Tracey lives in Boston.

they say it's just like riding a bike

It's time.

It's time to start writing my novel again.

After this happened, I just didn't know if I had it in me.

But I have a few ideas swimming around my pretty little head.

No more excuses that I'm too busy at work. (Even though I am. I mean, who wants to go home and turn on the computer to write after you've been doing it for 12 hours already that day???).

I have my opening line (and it's a good one!) and I'm ready to go.

Stay tuned.