This past Friday, when most of the free world was starting their long holiday weekend celebrations, making trips to the beach and downing margaritas, I had to go to work.
After going through the 5 stages of accepting I had to work on yet another holiday (disbelief, flabbergastery, anger, indifference, delirium), I made the regrettable decision to bring Vito to work with me. Mr. KK was golfing for the day (at least one of us was enjoying their day off) and only about 10 or so people were going to be there.
At the time, seemed like a fantastic decision.
Sigh.
Aside from barking like a lunatic at everyone who cooed over and tried to pet him, Vito ran around the office like he was part of a holiday marathon. After a few laps he had a wild, crazed look in his eyes and his tongue was hanging out the side of his mouth. He looked like a puppy who help a ticket for the short bus.
Once Vito had calmed down a bit, one of the girls came to my office door.
HER: "Um, Vito left a little present in the atrium."
WHAT??? I was mortified! He NEVER does anything in the house, I can't even tell you the last time he had an accident. Plus, I had just taken him outside where he pooped. Apparently, he wasn't done.
Upon telling my mother-in-law what happened, her rationale was simple: "Vito was pooping all over the place that keeps his Mommy away from him for much."
Well played, Vito. Well played.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
fortune-ate
I was expecting my fortune from lunch to say "you are too much sushi".
Instead it read, "Good news will come to you from far away" [in bed].
I wish I got this fortune last week, and the news I got was from lottery state headquarters telling me that the $25 million lottery ticket that was purchased in Connecticut was mine.
Instead it read, "Good news will come to you from far away" [in bed].
I wish I got this fortune last week, and the news I got was from lottery state headquarters telling me that the $25 million lottery ticket that was purchased in Connecticut was mine.
Dear Crazy Tomato Lady,
Um, what made you think you could customize your very own pint of grape tomatoes?
All of those pints that are set up on that table? Those are for you to pick up and put in your cart.
They are not for you to open, sort through, pick apart and create a utopian pint of perfectly round, red and ripe grape tomatoes.
Guess what? They have machines and people who have already done the sorting for you. They have been weighed and shipped. That's already someone's job.
As for what's inside? You have to try your luck on what's inside like the rest of us.
Hugs,
kk
All of those pints that are set up on that table? Those are for you to pick up and put in your cart.
They are not for you to open, sort through, pick apart and create a utopian pint of perfectly round, red and ripe grape tomatoes.
Guess what? They have machines and people who have already done the sorting for you. They have been weighed and shipped. That's already someone's job.
As for what's inside? You have to try your luck on what's inside like the rest of us.
Hugs,
kk
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Fool me twice, shame on me
Little Ms. Blogger tagged me!
Here's the deal:
"Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what they don’t tell you. Sometimes you can learn a lot from the things they just make up. If you are tagged with this Meme, lie to me."
Don't mind if I do!
Pride:
What is your biggest contribution to the world?
My mere existence. And my shoe wardrobe.
Envy
What do your coworkers have that you wish was yours?
Their ability to remove themselves from work completely and not care about what’s going on around them. When the clock strikes 5, they are out the door…even if the work’s not done.
Gluttony
What did you eat last night?
Delish sushi with Tim Gunn. We had tons of catching up to do, he’s been so busy with Project Runway and all. It was so nice, just us girls.
Lust
What really lights your fire?
Man boobs.
Anger
What is the last thing that really pissed you off?
A coworker is gathering a group to take me out to celebrate my promotion. Bitch.
Greed
Name something you hoard and keep from others:
My opinion. I don’t share it with anyone.
Sloth
What’s the laziest thing you ever did?
Took a job at this place. 12 hour days, weekends, on-call 24/7…I need to get up off my ass.
Here's the deal:
"Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what they don’t tell you. Sometimes you can learn a lot from the things they just make up. If you are tagged with this Meme, lie to me."
Don't mind if I do!
Pride:
What is your biggest contribution to the world?
My mere existence. And my shoe wardrobe.
Envy
What do your coworkers have that you wish was yours?
Their ability to remove themselves from work completely and not care about what’s going on around them. When the clock strikes 5, they are out the door…even if the work’s not done.
Gluttony
What did you eat last night?
Delish sushi with Tim Gunn. We had tons of catching up to do, he’s been so busy with Project Runway and all. It was so nice, just us girls.
Lust
What really lights your fire?
Man boobs.
Anger
What is the last thing that really pissed you off?
A coworker is gathering a group to take me out to celebrate my promotion. Bitch.
Greed
Name something you hoard and keep from others:
My opinion. I don’t share it with anyone.
Sloth
What’s the laziest thing you ever did?
Took a job at this place. 12 hour days, weekends, on-call 24/7…I need to get up off my ass.
Monday, June 22, 2009
I'd like a large pizza, extra weird
Last week I worked late (shocker) so we decided it would be pizza night.
Mr. KK placed the order (it was his turn to pick toppings) and I picked it up.
ME: "Um, hi, I'm here to pick up an order for pizza and a salad."
GIRL: "Name?" I mean, there's NO ONE in the place, and no orders waiting besides mine.
ME: "It's under either KK or Mr. KK."
GIRL: "Oh here it is...Mr. KK."
She rings me up. I see her punch in $18 for the pizza.
ME: "Wow. A large pizza costs $18?" I'm all of a sudden 85. And cheap.
Yes, we order a large pizza. For two of us. And we sometimes finish it. Don't judge me.
HER: "Well, he ordered 3 toppings. And they are WEIRD toppings, too."
Weird? Like grasshoppers? Gummi bears? Gum balls?
ME: "Like what kind of weird toppings?" Now I'm a little concerned I'm picking up the wrong pizza.
HER: "Sausage, eggplant and ricotta." She makes a face. Skinny, bitchy cheerleader face. I doubt she even eats pizza.
ME: "Sounds delicious."
I pay her and leave.
And the pizza? Totally rocked.
What are YOUR favorite pizza toppings? Weird like mine???
Mr. KK placed the order (it was his turn to pick toppings) and I picked it up.
ME: "Um, hi, I'm here to pick up an order for pizza and a salad."
GIRL: "Name?" I mean, there's NO ONE in the place, and no orders waiting besides mine.
ME: "It's under either KK or Mr. KK."
GIRL: "Oh here it is...Mr. KK."
She rings me up. I see her punch in $18 for the pizza.
ME: "Wow. A large pizza costs $18?" I'm all of a sudden 85. And cheap.
Yes, we order a large pizza. For two of us. And we sometimes finish it. Don't judge me.
HER: "Well, he ordered 3 toppings. And they are WEIRD toppings, too."
Weird? Like grasshoppers? Gummi bears? Gum balls?
ME: "Like what kind of weird toppings?" Now I'm a little concerned I'm picking up the wrong pizza.
HER: "Sausage, eggplant and ricotta." She makes a face. Skinny, bitchy cheerleader face. I doubt she even eats pizza.
ME: "Sounds delicious."
I pay her and leave.
And the pizza? Totally rocked.
What are YOUR favorite pizza toppings? Weird like mine???
this weather is effing depressing
Not that I have a lot going on besides work, but I mean, really.Could the northeast catch a freaking weather break? It's almost July and I'm the color of Elmer's Glue.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
469 miles, 3 states and 25 drinks later...
I’m back from Philly! Aren’t you all dying to hear about my trip???
Because I was always out and about and Mr. KK was more or less at work, our communication was mostly through text messages. So I thought it would be fun to experience my birthday trip with the girls through our texts.
But first, a general list of PROs and CONs:
PRO: Having time off from work.
CON: NOT making it Pat’s and Geno’s for a cheesesteak.
PRO: Spending time with the girls like I haven’t done in years.
CON: Jungle-like weather conditions. I mean, we were three states away, not in the Amazon.
Okay, now for the Cliff's Notes version of our trip:
Wed. June 10
TEXT: AC, baby! We’re here! Ocean view room!
Our first stop was Atlantic City. Yep. Our $39 room had an Ocean View. Granted it was rainy and cloudy and cold, but it was nice to see the beach we weren’t going to.
At lunch I scored a free cosmo by answering a riddle and humoring an old, lonely guy at the bar. Anything for free drinks on our birthday trip!
TEXT: Lost. Am a total loser.
Even with Lady Gaga’s poker face advice, the cards were not good to me.
Thurs. June 11
TEXT: Best. Grilled Cheese. Ever.
On the way to Philly we made a pit stop at The Pop Shop (hey, that rhymes!), which is a soda shop/sandwich shop that was featured on Throwdown With Bobby Flay.
They have about 25 different varieties of grilled cheeses, and I tried their version of the one Bobby made in the challenge: brie, goat cheese, bacon and tomato on sour dough. Holy cheese overload! Topped it off with a chocolate milk shake and some fries and onion rings.
Bellyache city.
TEXT: Literally just bumped into Danny DeVito. He’s shorter than me!
Seriously. He’s like 3 feet tall. And what little hair he had was a total mess. That night we saw him at the hotel bar with a group of young people. Turns out he was in Philly shooting an episode of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and was having drinks with the cast of the show. I don’t watch the show, and found this all out after the fact, but I totally count this as a celebrity sighting.
(the next day on TV was the movie “Twins” with Danny and Arnie…coincidence???)
Fri. June 12
TEXT: Heading out to learn shit! Xoxo
The Liberty Bell, where the first congress met, where they printed the Declaration of Independence, Betsy Ross’s house…I was all historied-out.
TEXT: At the game…extra innings of course.
Longest. Sox game. Ever.
Sat. June 13
TEXT: Having my new favorite martini in the hotel bar. Going for Italian tonight. Raining like cats and dogs.
Our hotel bar made the yummiest martini ever: The White Grapefruit Cosmopolitan. We took a picture of the menu ingredients so I could recreate it at home: Grapefruit flavored vodka, cointreau, fresh lime juice and white cranberry juice. Shake and garnish with fresh cranberries.
Delish!
TEXT: Back at the hotel bar. Spilled red wine on my white jeans…oops! Having another two of my favorite martinis. Am spending lots of money!
((pretty self explanatory))
((this night consisted of 4 martinis and 2 glasses of (red) wine. Surprisingly, it wasn’t a rough morning after))
TEXT: am the only one awake…don’t want to make noise but I am bored. Heading out early, see you soon! Can't believe vacation is over!
My morning insomnia didn’t go on hiatus for vacation, unfortunately.
Mon. June 15
TEXT: Ugh. Just got to work. It’s like I was never away…
Because I was always out and about and Mr. KK was more or less at work, our communication was mostly through text messages. So I thought it would be fun to experience my birthday trip with the girls through our texts.
But first, a general list of PROs and CONs:
PRO: Having time off from work.
CON: NOT making it Pat’s and Geno’s for a cheesesteak.
PRO: Spending time with the girls like I haven’t done in years.
CON: Jungle-like weather conditions. I mean, we were three states away, not in the Amazon.
Okay, now for the Cliff's Notes version of our trip:
Wed. June 10
TEXT: AC, baby! We’re here! Ocean view room!
Our first stop was Atlantic City. Yep. Our $39 room had an Ocean View. Granted it was rainy and cloudy and cold, but it was nice to see the beach we weren’t going to.
At lunch I scored a free cosmo by answering a riddle and humoring an old, lonely guy at the bar. Anything for free drinks on our birthday trip!
TEXT: Lost. Am a total loser.
Even with Lady Gaga’s poker face advice, the cards were not good to me.
Thurs. June 11
TEXT: Best. Grilled Cheese. Ever.
On the way to Philly we made a pit stop at The Pop Shop (hey, that rhymes!), which is a soda shop/sandwich shop that was featured on Throwdown With Bobby Flay.
They have about 25 different varieties of grilled cheeses, and I tried their version of the one Bobby made in the challenge: brie, goat cheese, bacon and tomato on sour dough. Holy cheese overload! Topped it off with a chocolate milk shake and some fries and onion rings.
Bellyache city.
TEXT: Literally just bumped into Danny DeVito. He’s shorter than me!
Seriously. He’s like 3 feet tall. And what little hair he had was a total mess. That night we saw him at the hotel bar with a group of young people. Turns out he was in Philly shooting an episode of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and was having drinks with the cast of the show. I don’t watch the show, and found this all out after the fact, but I totally count this as a celebrity sighting.
(the next day on TV was the movie “Twins” with Danny and Arnie…coincidence???)
Fri. June 12
TEXT: Heading out to learn shit! Xoxo
The Liberty Bell, where the first congress met, where they printed the Declaration of Independence, Betsy Ross’s house…I was all historied-out.
TEXT: At the game…extra innings of course.
Longest. Sox game. Ever.
Sat. June 13
TEXT: Having my new favorite martini in the hotel bar. Going for Italian tonight. Raining like cats and dogs.
Our hotel bar made the yummiest martini ever: The White Grapefruit Cosmopolitan. We took a picture of the menu ingredients so I could recreate it at home: Grapefruit flavored vodka, cointreau, fresh lime juice and white cranberry juice. Shake and garnish with fresh cranberries.
Delish!
TEXT: Back at the hotel bar. Spilled red wine on my white jeans…oops! Having another two of my favorite martinis. Am spending lots of money!
((pretty self explanatory))
((this night consisted of 4 martinis and 2 glasses of (red) wine. Surprisingly, it wasn’t a rough morning after))
TEXT: am the only one awake…don’t want to make noise but I am bored. Heading out early, see you soon! Can't believe vacation is over!
My morning insomnia didn’t go on hiatus for vacation, unfortunately.
Mon. June 15
TEXT: Ugh. Just got to work. It’s like I was never away…
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