Sunday, July 25, 2010

this morning at the grocery store...

conversation between the bagger and the cashier

BAGGER: "You see any good movies lately?"

CASHIER: "Yeah! Inception was insane!"

BAGGER: "Never heard of it."

CASHIER: "You should check it out. It's the kind of movie you need to see sober, though."

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

confirmed: I could totally become a lady of leisure

Today was my first day at my new job (more on that later!) after a week and a half of vacation.

And holy hell, if I could afford to keep my ass at home every day, I absolutely would.

I didn't like being home, I LOVED it. I puffy heart loved it. With whipped cream on top.

During my days off I managed the demolition at the new house, called exterminators (yes, we have a gazillion termites!), scheduled electricians, ensured the "crew" had lunch every day and a beer-stocked fridge, laid in the pool, spent time in the grocery store, cooked for no reason at 11am on a Tuesday, gave Vito belly rubs, had a glass of wine (or 2...or 3...) 'just because' in the middle of the afternoon, made phone calls that pretty much no one returned, and pretty much did everything I could never do when I was working.

For a week I didn't blow-dry my hair or put make-up on my face. And - let's face it - my showering schedule was pretty erratic.

But, all good things must come to an end.

Today, I started my new gig.

I barely got an idea of what I'd be doing, since I spent most of the day filling out forms and watching someone show me how to use the complicated computer system.

HER: "It's a lot to learn our system"

ME: "Actually, the hurdle will be more of me getting used to a PC than learning your complex database."

Hold the phone...a PC? Um, yuck.

Also on the "holy-crap-i'm-gonna-miss this" list:

no facebook at work
no personal emails at work
no blogging at work (WTF?)
no blog reading at work
no fun at work (perhaps an exaggeration)

Tomorrow will be my first "real" day...learning actual work, and not how to sign my name on 237 forms.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Guest Blogger: Vito, the dog.

Dear Mommy and Daddy,
Your vacation is really cramping my style.
Normally when you leave for work, I curl up on the couch and take a nice nap.
Then I watch the neighborhood for a while. Growl at a few people walking their dogs. Race around the house following the mailman to every window barking at him. Grab a drink of water. Nap on the big bed. Empty my toy box. Nap in the patch of sunlight in the living room. Stretch. Bark. Wait for you to come home.
But now? With you home and coming and going all day long?
I relinquish my couch spot for the kitchen, in case you're feeling generous and giving handouts. You shush me when I bark at the neighbors. You talk to me all day, making napping nearly impossible. You're constantly putting my toys away. And after dinner, when we usually hang out together, that's when you leave!
Sure, I get to go outside more often, and get more treats, but it's HOT. And I'm wearing a freaking fur coat.
And also? Daddy, your insomnia is starting to affect me. You know how I hate when we're all not in the same room together. And when you come downstairs when you can't sleep, I have to split my time with you on the couch and Mommy in the big bed. I'm EXHAUSTED. I haven't been getting my 18 hours of sleep every day.
This pupper has bags under his eyes.
So please go back to work.
Or take me for a ride in the car (just not to the vet!)
Oh, and few more belly rubs, please.

Friday, July 16, 2010

why the EFF don't people call you back???

As self-assigned Project Manager of our home renovation project (oh, and about 300 other projects as well...) it's my job to make phone calls. Lots of them.

And I have to tell you, I'm pretty pissed off when people don't call me back.

My week has been filled with leaving messages, sending emails and doing everyone else's job. My week off'? More like my 'week of aggravation'.

So this is an open letter to the following people, who apparently are having a hard time picking up the frickin' phone and dialing:

HVAC guy.
- 2 emails, 3 phone calls and messages to his cell phone, 2 calls and messages to his secretary, over the last 3 weeks.
This guy is a friend of Mr. KK's uncle, so it's a bit of a tricky situation. But really, dude. The job was yours if you had just called us back. Not anymore.

Doctor's office.
- 2 frantic phone calls and messages yesterday afternoon, with one last cry for help at the end of the day.
We're dealing with a time-sensitive medical issue here. Personally, I'd call me back just to shut me and my 2-minute rambling messages up. And the best part? They called ME, and I'm just calling them back.

- 1 email and 2 phone calls with messages.
I've just left a job with a 401k. If someone called me saying "Hey, I want to give you thousands and thousands of dollars to invest for me", I would've been on the horn faster than a teenager on Zac Efron.

- 1 phone call and a message.
Okay, so this one isn't as bad as the others. But he's a family friend, and we're actually waiting for him to call us back from last November to hang our new dining room chandelier. Looks like he'll be hanging it in the new house, instead.

Hey universe, PICK UP THE PHONE.

Monday, July 12, 2010

if these walls could talk...

...they'd be saying, "Yo, there are termites here."

Termites. In our new house. Nothing makes you itch more than grabbing a piece of sheet rock and watching little moving bugs crawling all over the place.


That might set us back a few days. Exterminator has been called.

The last week has been kinda crazy.

Friday was my last day of work. You know how sometimes when you're leaving a job, you get to your last week, you gets pangs of sadness, you feel rejuvenated with your job and you're like, "Hmph. Maybe this job isn't so bad, after all."

That SO did NOT happen to me.

Instead, my last week was like a shit-storm. First off, when I gave my 2-week notice to my boss he was all like, "Can you stay longer?"

And I was all like, "Yeaaaah, I already committed to a start date."

And he came back with, "Why don't you check and get back to me?"

And I replied meekly, "Yeaaah, I already told them."

And, of course, his reply was, "Okay. You'll check and let me know if you stay with us a little longer."

Finally I said, "Next Friday is my last day of work. No more."

I mean, really? If THAT conversation wasn't a perfect example of why I needed to get the ef outta there, nothing was. I can't even QUIT in peace.

THEN, during my last week, the shit hit the fan. The clients were going crazy, making ridiculous demands and just being asshats.

Friday night after drinks, I took the train home. I'm sure I looked like I was just fired. I was carrying a box with a plant and my belongings, tipsy and sad.

Hard to believe 5 years fits into one box. And a fist bump from my boss.

Friday, July 9, 2010

it's officially my last day of work.

that's all.

i'm just excited.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Oh, kate. (mr. kk, please don't read this)

So apparently word travels quickly around here because Kate Spade is apparently so excited about my new job that she thinks I need a new handbag, and perhaps some nice accessories to go with it.

That must be why she's offering an EXTRA 25% OFF clearance styles on her website!

Wouldn't it just be rude if said 'no' to this lovely gift she's bestowed upon me?

Here are a few things I wouldn't mind sporting at my new gig:
(the extra 25% is off those prices listed in red!)

dear metro north railroad,

You and I have been together for a long time. From my days commuting into NYC for my UNPAID internship at a travel magazine, to my birthday trip last year with Mr. KK, and now more recently as I'm taking the train on my last two days of work.

I have a favor to ask: do you think it would be possible to install cup holders for each seat? Maybe on the backs of the seats so my iced coffee could be right in front of me instead of picking up germs on the disgusting you-know-you-never-mop-it floor?

Because, honestly? In the morning, 99.9% of your passengers are juggling bags, laptops, newspapers and their morning cuppa. One only has so many hands, and eventually they run out of room for their beverage.

This may also eliminate accidents I've seen happen when someone has kicked over their coffee they were forced to put on the floor, making a huge mess (that will never really properly get cleaned up, let's be honest).

It's true I won't be on the train to commute again after tomorrow, but if you could do this for others on my behalf, that would be fabu.


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

it must be snowing in hell

because this girl QUIT HER JOB!

I quit my job.

I have to keep saying it over and over because it makes it seem more real. And less frightening.

I'll be leaving the marketing world – and 2am work nights, dinner at my desk and working on holidays and weekends – behind for an entirely new career.

I'm excited and nervous, but mostly excited.

I've been at my current company for 5 years, so it's a little bittersweet. As awful as things were here, I did make friends that I will miss. But hey, that's what Facebook is for, right?

The best part? Every time someone comes to congratulate me (and tell me how shocked they are), they follow it up with, "What are you going to be doing in all your spare time?"

That's easy. I'm going to take up a few hobbies:

• having dinner with my husband
• seeing the inside of my house
• living my life

mother nature 1, kk 0

Heat wave, you WIN.

We tried, we really, really did. But your oppressiveness, equator-strength sun and absent breeze was just too much.

So we caved.

We FINALLY put our air conditioners in the windows.

This was the year we thought we'd make it. Hell, it was already July 1 and we were going strong. We were hoping to hold out until we had a realtor come and see the house. Having AC units in the windows was not only completely unattractive, it also drew attention to the fact that we had no central air. (One could argue here that a 100 degree house would also draw attention to our lack of air conditioning as well.)

Sure, it was WARM at night, but nothing a little oscillating fan couldn't fix. And yes, the last few nights Mr. KK was so uncomfortable he slept downstairs on the couch under the ceiling fan. And then there was Vito, who every night would drape his fur coat-covered body all over me, his own little way of saying, "See how YOU like it".

So between the triple-digit temperatures, our concern for Vito,and being away for the long weekend and sleeping in cushy hotels with the AC set to 65, we came home Monday night and did the deed.

And all I have to say is it's about frickin time!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

umm...nice boob?

yesterday my coworker that sits in the office across the hall from me was out. (it was noticeable since she listens to her music at ridiculous decibels and SINGS ALONG. to songs that make me want to slit my wrists).

So when she same in today I asked her if she was off for something fun yesterday.

She barges in my office and says, "Nope! I was off having a breast biopsy!"

pulls down her t-shirt, revealing her left breast and a semi-bloody bandage.


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