My Least Favorite Pair Of Genes

Everyone thinks I look like my father (except my Grandmother, who tells everyone that I look exactly like her). And I definitely inherited my hips from his side of the family (thanks, Dad, for making it really, really hard to find pants that fit!).

But I have to thank my mom for giving me her Insomnia Genes.

There’s nothing quite like waking up in the middle of the night, and NEVER FALLING BACK TO SLEEP.

Take the other night, for example. I woke up at 3:30am. For good. (seriously, that’s not even a time NEAR the morning).

So here’s what my day has been like so far:

It’s 3:30 in the morning. The entire neighborhood is asleep. It’s really, really dark out.

And it’s too quiet.

I peek at the clock.

3:37.

Boy, am I hungry. Of course I know there nothing in the house to eat. But chicken parm would be so good right now. Or meatloaf. Or macaroni and cheese.

3:42.

Will my mother like that quilted vest that I got her? Will she wear it? It would look good with jeans and a sweater. Should I not have gotten her the red? Should I have gone with the gray instead? What am I thinking, regardless of the color, she’s totally going to return it.

3:48.

Ugg. I don’t want to use the treadmill this morning. My body is just way too tired. But doesn’t it make sense to use it, since I’m up? Maybe I’ll fall back to sleep and miss out on my treadmill time.

3:55.

I see headlights in the street. Who is driving by at this hour? Only crazy people are up at this hour. Um, right.

4:15.

Well, it’s almost been an hour. I’m pretty convinced I’m not going to fall back to sleep. Vito, however, is able to sleep peacefully, completely unaware of my wide-awakedness, sharing my pillow and emitting deep, contented sighs.

4:38

Did I pay the cable bill?

4:49

If I wake up this early every day for the rest of my life, I’m going to be one tired woman.

5:01

NOW it’s almost an acceptable time of the morning. I COULD get up and use the treadmill.

5:23

Yep. I’m going to fall asleep any minute now. I can just feel it. Totally concentrating on sleep. Letting my whole body relax. Just letting the sleep come over me. Any minute now I’ll be asleep. Deep breaths. Oh yeah, I'm tired now. Can hardly stay awake. Just about drifting off...

5:48

Sleep is SO close! Maybe I AM sleeping, and I'm only dreaming about not being able to sleep.

Cue alarm clock and annoying radio morning show host.

I will not open my eyes. I. Will. Not. Open. My. Eyes.

I open one eye: 6:01.

Time to get up.


(Note: I did not use the treadmill on this particular day.)