please file under: are you effing kidding me?

Two Fridays ago, I took my team out for lunch. It was a glorious, sunny afternoon, so why not spend $200 on drinks and lunch, seated on the patio of a hip new restaurant.


I had two of my team members in my car with me as I navigated the large, public lot. I pulled into a space behind the church and put the car in park.


As we were gathering our things, I noticed the car in the spot in front of me was slowly rolling backwards.


I leaned on the horn. BEEEEP!


And the car kept on coming.


"Oh my god, he's still coming!" one girl yells.


BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!


"Why isn't he stopping?" the other says.


BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!


"I think he's going to hit us!" I say.


BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!


And then he rolled right into my car.


After he hit my car, he turned around and glared at me through his back window.


Annnnnd here we go.


The man that gets out of the car is in his late fifties or so, and he's shaking his head in disgust.


I open my car door and step one foot out and stand up. Somehow thinking that my door will protect me from any harm.


He gives me a, 'Why the hell did you just drive into me? Hmph. Women drivers!' kind of look.


"Um, YOU hit ME."


"I did?"


"Yes. That's why your car is half in my parking space."


"I didn't even realize I was rolling."


"Yes. That's why I was beeping at you like a lunatic."


And then inspects my car. He barely tapped me, as he must have been in neutral, but we both go through the motions.


"Did I do that?" he asks, pointing to an imperfection on the front of my car that I would love to use this 'mishap' as an excuse to get fixed on someone else's dollar.


"No, you didn't." (See God? I'm a good person.)


"Well, I'm awfully sorry." And he starts to walk away.


"Do you think you can move your car back up into your own parking space?"


He obliges and walks into the church.


I take a picture of his license plate, just in case.


"It's a good thing you didn't say anything bad to him," says one girl. "He was wearing a shirt that said something about killing people."


Hey, no one ever said I was stupid.