33 Is the New 26 (Right? Right??)

I’m getting old.

Not like, did-you-fill-out-that-AARP-application old, but more like, spaghetti-strap-tops-don’t-belong-in-your-closet old.

This weekend my friend from Boston came down to visit me. There we were, two hip and trendy thirty-somethings hitting the town for dinner. We looked great and felt fabulous.

As we were heading to the car to go home (attempting to maneuver through the throngs of scantily-clad twenty-somethings) I heard myself saying to my friend, “Can you believe that these girls are just starting their night now? It’s after 11pm!”

Even though I still look like a youngster (on a good day), there are certain things that constantly remind me that I’m not 26 anymore.

1. I’m always tired. I’m a morning person (6am? I’m up!), so I was never one of those people who could stay up all night, only to go to bed at 4am because there was nothing else to do (attention those people: the thing to do at 4am is SLEEP). But now, I find myself falling asleep during the week at 10pm. Even worse, when it hits 11:30 on a Saturday night, my body gets all twitchy if I’m not in my pajamas.

2. It’s hard for me to believe that when I used to go to bars, constantly being bumped into, having to stand for 4 straight hours and drinking a martini out of a plastic cup never bothered me before.

3. Um, since when did they start putting tryptophan in alcohol? Three drinks and I can’t keep my eyes open. Add to those drinks a big dinner and forget it – I’m asleep in my risotto.

4. I’ve been ma’amed. Twice.

5. HGTV has replaced MTV.

6. OMG, I have bikini tops that provide more coverage than the shirts girls wear when they go out.

7. Have you seen how much sodium is in Ramen noodles???

8. Hey, wait a minute – there IS something wrong with running around town in 12-degree weather wearing just a tank top and open-toed shoes! It’s winter, girls! Put. On. A. Coat.

9. I need WAY more details when it comes to going out. I can no longer answer the question, “Hey, you want to come to this party my friend is having?” with a simple “Yes.” Instead, the question is answered with a series of my own questions, like: “Where’s the party? Will I know anyone there? What’s the dress code? Will there be food, or should I eat before I go?”

10. My hangovers last 3 days.