A Dog's Life

My new favorite show on TV is Flipping Out on BRAVO. It’s about this multi-million dollar house flipper who has OCD.

Jeff, the OCD flipper, employs a small entourage who take care of his million-dollar ass and help manage all of his properties. His Executive Assistant, Jenni (who could be a Julia Louis Dreyfuss impersonator) is sort of like his right-hand woman, in both his business and his life. Jeff has also hired Jenni’s husband, whom he condescendingly refers to as “Trash Guy”.

In the latest episode, Jeff had a doggie masseuse come over to massage his dogs because he felt that they were stressed (ironically, he’s the person stressing them out).

Now, I love my dog, but there’s no way Vito is getting a massage.

First off, even I don’t go for massages. I’m lucky if I can squeeze in a manicure and a pedicure.

Second, Vito. Is. A. Dog.

Third, Vito lives like a King; the most stress he has in his life is deciding which patch of lawn on which to poop.

Fourth, Vito. Is. A. Dog.

Here’s what a typical day is like for Vito:

Get up. Eat breakfast. Go back to bed. Get showered with kisses. Wash paws. Nap. Take every toy out of the toy box. Bark at passersby. Nap. Eat dinner. Get belly rubs. Bark at passersby. Nap. Wash paws. Go to sleep.

I’m pretty sure if I brought a stranger into his life to come and put their hands all over him, he’d more than likely freak out.

He would not, however, object to living in a multi-million dollar mansion where he had 4,000 square feet to leave all of his toys.