MISSING: My Metabolism

My “fat jeans” are now just “jeans”. They fit. Comfortably.

So, if you find my metabolism, can you please return it to me? I haven’t had it for a few years, and I’m really starting to miss it.

I’m not quite sure exactly what it looks like, but it’s VERY talented.

Here’s what it knows how to do:

• Allows me to eat fast food for lunch and have a flat stomach by dinner
• Keeps up its half of the bargain when I skip workouts
• Laughs in the face of midnight Macaroni & Cheese
• Concedes to pasta three times a week, extra mayo on sandwiches and nightly dessert
• Ensures my “fat jeans” stay just that

If you happen to come across it, please let me know.

I mean, who wants a closet filled with just “jeans”?