Please file under "you can't make this sh*t up"

If there's one thing my family has going for it, it's longevity. I am blessed to still have 3 living grandparents. And one of those grandparents - my grandmother Rosie - just turned 90.

90!

And besides being slightly hard of hearing (even with hearing aids, which leads me to believe that hearing aids DO NOT WORK), Rosie is in awesome condition. (Do you love how I just spoke about my grandmother like she was a car?)

To celebrate Rosie's 90th birthday, the family is throwing her a surprise party this weekend.

And yes, I see the irony...'Surprising a 90-year-old? Are you crazy???' But please don't think all of us jumping out and screaming "Surprise!" will stop her ticker. Did you see the part where I said she was hard of hearing? To her, she will hear a mere whisper of "Surprise!" or turn to my Dad and ask, "Supplies? What supplies?"

To this wonderful surprise party we have invited a bunch of her friends from the "active retirement community" in which she lives.

The other night, my father got the very last RSVP from a nice elderly woman named Josephine, who would be honored to come to the party. (In case you're wondering, she's having the shrimp).

DAD: "The last lady has called and she's coming. But she doesn't have a ride."

KK: "What about the 8 other people coming from the complex? Can't she get a ride with them?"

DAD: "All of their cars are full. So I volunteered YOU to pick her up and bring her to the party."

Um...what?

KK: "Dad, I've never even met this woman. Are you sure she can't squeeze into one of the cars from the complex?"

DAD: "Nope. Cars are full. And plus they'd never be able to fit her walker."