gym diaries.

I've gotten used to the old, skinny ladies who walk around naked with their flappy skin and saggy asses. How they will turn to you, and look you in the eye and say, "MY! How do you walk in those shoes?"

I've even accepted the fact that while naked, they like to prop one leg up on the bench to apply cream to every nook and cranny God gave them.

And yes, I've come to terms that they will sit their bare asses on the dirty public locker room bench to put on their socks or to rest.

I thought I had seen it all.

Until Friday.

I was innocently applying my make-up, surrounded by women blow-drying their hair or putting on their faces.

Then I saw her.

A girl – whose age I can only describe as 27 from the neck down and 45 from the chin up - was getting ready directly behind me, so I could see her every move in my mirror.

She was applying her make-up wearing a lace thong, had her wet hair wrapped in a towel, and was wearing a black parka.

A parka.

Putting on her make-up.

It was long enough to just cover her tanned cheeks.

And when she started blow-drying her hair, naturally she got hot, so she took the parka off.

And the only thing she was wearing under her parka were nipples.

As soon as she unzipped the jacket her huge jugs sprang free, as if they were saying, "Helllllooo! I'm here! And I'm cold!"

What followed was lots of hair flipping and tit swinging.

Oh, did I mention that all the while, next to her on the counter, was her bra. Just staring at her. She could have just reached over and put.it.on. And prevented me from almost poking my eye out with my mascara wand.