move over, Joan Rivers. Here's KK's guide to Oscars fashion.

(Wait, this show was about movies???)

 "My upper thigh is better than YOUR upper thigh, Jen."

Also, is she in the running for the lead as the universe's palest vampire?

Lovely. 

Except for her hair. What's up with her hair?

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!

THIS is how you do the Oscars, people.

 Nip slip city.

O-VER-RA-TED! 

(clap, clap, clap clap clap!)

Fabulous movie, fabulous gown.

Simple and sophisticated.

 Scarlet O'Hara called, she wants her prom dress back.

Amazing color. Fabulous fit. 

But what's up with that smile? 

"Oh, is it the Oscars already? What should I wear? 

Oh, I'll just grab the living room drapes and cinch them with a pin."

 After a few years of bad dresses and her Black Swan phase, Natalie gets it right.

 Katie Perry called. She wants her look back.

 G, I love ya. I feel for ya. You look beautiful.

But I'm thinking the accessory you should have carried last night was a sandwich.

Can someone please tell me how men get on the 'Best Dressed' list?

Do they not all just wear a tuxedo? (And black tuxedos at that.) 

Wait. This isn't Rita Wilson?