I spent my 'Me Day' at the beach, relaxing and reading.
While on the beach, I met a cute boy named Tristan. He had the bluest eyes and blondest hair.
Oh, and he was 2 years old.
Technically, I didn't meet Tristan. However, I felt I knew him intimately, due to his mother screaming - loudly and incessantly - her little boy's name.
"TRISTAN! COME BACK HERE!"
"TRIIISTAN! PUT THAT DIRTY SHELL DOWN!"
"TRISTAN MICHAEL! DON'T MAKE GET OUT OF THIS CHAIR!"
You see, what this mother did not realize, was that two-year-olds do not find sitting quietly on a beach much fun, while their mother reads UsWeekly and texts her friends.
And please don't send me hate mail if you're a mother who enjoys beach time with their children. Hey, I'm a beach baby myself. My mother was hard-core. She'd go to the beach, covered in baby oil, lying on that foil blanket-thing to maximize the sun's rays on the underside of her thighs. And when she didn't want to miss valuable sun time, she'd bring me along. She used to bury my jar of food (yes, I was raised on formula and jarred pears, oh the horror!) to heat it up for my lunch.
So I get bringing your kid the beach.
However, if you're going to bring your child to the beach, there are rules that must be followed:
- you must sit AT LEAST 20 feet away from me; there's a whole beach here, there is no reason why you must occupy the sand directly next to me
- if you come to beach with more paraphernalia for one hour than I do for a week's vacation, please turn around
- there is no screaming at the beach
- kids who run on the beach kick up sand. I hate getting sand on my towel/hair/legs/face
- the lifeguard is not your child's babysitter
- the ocean is not your child's toilet
- leaving a diaper on a baby under a bathing suit just causes diaper rash
Speaking of children in bathing suits, it was almost too much when this mother - a half hour after arriving at the beach - says to her son, "Tristan, come here and Mommy will put your bathing suit on you."
Um, is there any reason why that wasn't done BEFORE you got to the beach???