Tuesday, July 5, 2011

feeling beachy

Last week, after charting the air and cloud patterns and stalking The Weather Channel, I decided to take a 'me day'. Because of my research and diligence, my 'Me Day' was a perfect 80 degrees with plentiful sunshine and billowy clouds.

I spent my 'Me Day' at the beach, relaxing and reading.

While on the beach, I met a cute boy named Tristan. He had the bluest eyes and blondest hair.

Oh, and he was 2 years old.

Technically, I didn't meet Tristan. However, I felt I knew him intimately, due to his mother screaming - loudly and incessantly - her little boy's name.

"TRISTAN! COME BACK HERE!"
"TRIIISTAN! PUT THAT DIRTY SHELL DOWN!"
"TRISTAN MICHAEL! DON'T MAKE GET OUT OF THIS CHAIR!"


You see, what this mother did not realize, was that two-year-olds do not find sitting quietly on a beach much fun, while their mother reads UsWeekly and texts her friends.

And please don't send me hate mail if you're a mother who enjoys beach time with their children. Hey, I'm a beach baby myself. My mother was hard-core. She'd go to the beach, covered in baby oil, lying on that foil blanket-thing to maximize the sun's rays on the underside of her thighs. And when she didn't want to miss valuable sun time, she'd bring me along. She used to bury my jar of food (yes, I was raised on formula and jarred pears, oh the horror!) to heat it up for my lunch.

So I get bringing your kid the beach.

However, if you're going to bring your child to the beach, there are rules that must be followed:

- you must sit AT LEAST 20 feet away from me; there's a whole beach here, there is no reason why you must occupy the sand directly next to me
- if you come to beach with more paraphernalia for one hour than I do for a week's vacation, please turn around
- there is no screaming at the beach
- kids who run on the beach kick up sand. I hate getting sand on my towel/hair/legs/face
- the lifeguard is not your child's babysitter
- the ocean is not your child's toilet
- leaving a diaper on a baby under a bathing suit just causes diaper rash

Speaking of children in bathing suits, it was almost too much when this mother - a half hour after arriving at the beach - says to her son, "Tristan, come here and Mommy will put your bathing suit on you."

Um, is there any reason why that wasn't done BEFORE you got to the beach???

2 comments:

FunnyGal KAT said...

I love taking FunnyKid to the beach, but I don't even bring a chair because I know I will spend the whole time tending to his needs, not sitting around working on my tan. It sounds like it wasn't the kid who messed up your beach day, but his lazy mom.

(The only part I might be able to defend her on is not putting his suit on before getting to the beach. Swim diapers don't hold pee-- because otherwise they would suck up the ocean too-- so I don't risk having FunnyKid pee all over his car seat by putting him into the diaper before leaving for the beach. She's still lazy, but may have had a point on that one...)

Little Ms Blogger said...

I'm surprised this woman didn't encourage her kid to go to your blanket and have you babysit them while she read her trash rags.

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