Saturday, December 27, 2008

Christmas Eve Went Something Like This

CAUTION: contains graphic content; not meant for weak stomachs.

4:00am: Knowing how much I had to do, my inner alarm clock wakes me up. We’re talking WIDE awake. Like, middle-of-the-day awake.

4:03am: Start wrapping presents.

4:47am: Still wrapping presents.

5:30am: Run out of scotch tape.

5:31am: Scream into a pillow.

5:32am: Frantically search house for more tape.

5:33am: Find another roll of scotch tape hiding in the bottom of the bow box.

5:34am: Resume wrapping.

6:07am: Wrap some more.

6:27am: Wrap. Wrap. Wrap.

6:44am: And still more wrapping.

7:00am: Finish wrapping. Take a 25 minute power nap.

8:00am: Head out to finish up shopping.

8:01am: Want to hide of embarrassment because this is the most behind I’ve ever been for Christmas.

10:30am: Take Vito to the vet for a long-overdue nail clipping.

10:32am: Listen to Vito cry and howl in fear, before they even take the clippers out.

Quote of the day:

Me: “Did he poop himself?”

Vet: “Nope.”


Vet: “He just released his anal glands.”

11:00am: Give Vito bath.

11:20am: Throw anal-gland-juice-covered blanket and car seat cover in the wash.

11:30am: Wrap all the last-minute gifts.

1:00pm: Take much-needed two-and-a-half-hour nap.

4:00pm: Shower. Blow-dry hair. Get dressed.

5:00pm: Visit Aunt Mary in the convalescent home. Become completely depressed. Desperately need a drink.

6:00pm: Pack car with 5 shopping bags of presents plus one very clean dog.

6:30pm: FINALLY! Take first sip of a dirty martini.



Lori said...

I have always been profoundly grateful that humans do not have anal glands. Because I know mine would be problematic.

Sarah Elizabeth said...

Haha! I've never had a animal release their anal gland in my presence...and I hope it never happens!

I have heard terrible horror stories.