CAUTION: contains graphic content; not meant for weak stomachs.
4:00am: Knowing how much I had to do, my inner alarm clock wakes me up. We’re talking WIDE awake. Like, middle-of-the-day awake.
4:03am: Start wrapping presents.
4:47am: Still wrapping presents.
5:30am: Run out of scotch tape.
5:31am: Scream into a pillow.
5:32am: Frantically search house for more tape.
5:33am: Find another roll of scotch tape hiding in the bottom of the bow box.
5:34am: Resume wrapping.
6:07am: Wrap some more.
6:27am: Wrap. Wrap. Wrap.
6:44am: And still more wrapping.
7:00am: Finish wrapping. Take a 25 minute power nap.
8:00am: Head out to finish up shopping.
8:01am: Want to hide of embarrassment because this is the most behind I’ve ever been for Christmas.
10:30am: Take Vito to the vet for a long-overdue nail clipping.
10:32am: Listen to Vito cry and howl in fear, before they even take the clippers out.
Quote of the day:
Me: “Did he poop himself?”
Vet: “He just released his anal glands.”
11:00am: Give Vito bath.
11:20am: Throw anal-gland-juice-covered blanket and car seat cover in the wash.
11:30am: Wrap all the last-minute gifts.
1:00pm: Take much-needed two-and-a-half-hour nap.
4:00pm: Shower. Blow-dry hair. Get dressed.
5:00pm: Visit Aunt Mary in the convalescent home. Become completely depressed. Desperately need a drink.
6:00pm: Pack car with 5 shopping bags of presents plus one very clean dog.
6:30pm: FINALLY! Take first sip of a dirty martini.