How To Guarantee You'll Be Late For An Appointment

1. Tell everyone at work that you MUST leave for an appointment at 5:30. FIVE THIRTY. 5-3-0.
2. Call and confirm said appointment.
3. Have completely insanely crazy day at work; stare incredulously at the clock that reads 5:25.
4. At 5:43, still be at your desk.
5. Finally leave. Forget computer cord and go back. Forget to shut light and go back.
   
6. Seek an alternate route because your usual highway is shut down.
7. Get caught behind the slowest driver in America as soon as you pull out of the parking lot.
8. Somehow manage to find slowest driver in America's cousin on the highway. Follow him. Closely. Applaud when he moves over.
9. Sit in ridiculous traffic due to accident re-route.
10. Remember while driving that you don’t have any change for a tip. (Because the salon no longer allows you to put a tip on your credit card. WTF?)
11. Scour the armrest for quarters.
12. Emerge with only $1.50. Go back in for dimes.
13. Debate calling and telling them you’re running late. Remember all the times they made YOU wait, and decide against it.
14. Take the turn into the parking lot on two wheels. Park like an idiot.
15. Smooth hair and walk in, head held high.
16. Dump $4.00 in quarters, dimes and nickels on the counter and smile.