it's no secret...

...that we hate our neighbors.

And last night, they gave us one more reason to want to pack up our house and get the hell out of dodge.

Current reasons we can't stand our neighbors:

1. They park their big-ass white mini van in front of our house ALL THE TIME. They apparently forget that they have a LONG driveway they could use, or a perfectly fine curb in front of their own house. And they apparently forget how to park, too, because they leave their stupid car right smack dab in the MIDDLE of the area, making it impossible for any other car to park in front of our house. You know, like mine?

2. They're loud. They scream all. the. time. They scream at each other, they scream at their kids. They scream at their parents. They never shut up.

3. It seems that neither of them work. Now while there's nothing wrong with that, I just don't understand how they survive without jobs.

4. They're both home all (see #3) and yet they still get Peapod grocery delivery (which parks and blocks our driveway) and they have a woman and daughter team that come in to help with cleaning and child care. They're home ALL DAY. They can't clean their own house and watch their own kids???

5. They have too many kids.

6. Their kids torment Vito every chance they get. Through the fence. Through our glass front door. One day they're going to be sticking their little fingers through the fence poking him and he's NOT going to be nice about it...

7. They're snoops. She constantly keeps tabs on our yard. He watches us from an upstairs window when we're enjoying cocktails outside by the fire.

8. When he uses the snow blower on his driveway (which is only 1 out of 4 storms to begin with), he blows the snow onto OUR driveway, and all over the side of his own house.

9. He's a whiner. She's annoying.

And our new reason for disliking them:

10. She got a pet Guinea pig. That she carries around like a baby. (I'm sorry, I love Vito like a human, but he's a dog. Guinea pigs are rodents.) She cuts grass with scissors for him to eat. She brought him outside to meet us – seriously – and just kept covering his face and body with kisses. Then she'd yell "Ouch!" when he bit her with his little rodent teeth. Did I mention that he runs around in the house and on the furniture, leaving little rodent droppings?

I was thisclose to telling her that Vito had killed a rodent once...