Thursday, May 6, 2010

it's no secret...

...that we hate our neighbors.

And last night, they gave us one more reason to want to pack up our house and get the hell out of dodge.

Current reasons we can't stand our neighbors:

1. They park their big-ass white mini van in front of our house ALL THE TIME. They apparently forget that they have a LONG driveway they could use, or a perfectly fine curb in front of their own house. And they apparently forget how to park, too, because they leave their stupid car right smack dab in the MIDDLE of the area, making it impossible for any other car to park in front of our house. You know, like mine?

2. They're loud. They scream all. the. time. They scream at each other, they scream at their kids. They scream at their parents. They never shut up.

3. It seems that neither of them work. Now while there's nothing wrong with that, I just don't understand how they survive without jobs.

4. They're both home all (see #3) and yet they still get Peapod grocery delivery (which parks and blocks our driveway) and they have a woman and daughter team that come in to help with cleaning and child care. They're home ALL DAY. They can't clean their own house and watch their own kids???

5. They have too many kids.

6. Their kids torment Vito every chance they get. Through the fence. Through our glass front door. One day they're going to be sticking their little fingers through the fence poking him and he's NOT going to be nice about it...

7. They're snoops. She constantly keeps tabs on our yard. He watches us from an upstairs window when we're enjoying cocktails outside by the fire.

8. When he uses the snow blower on his driveway (which is only 1 out of 4 storms to begin with), he blows the snow onto OUR driveway, and all over the side of his own house.

9. He's a whiner. She's annoying.

And our new reason for disliking them:

10. She got a pet Guinea pig. That she carries around like a baby. (I'm sorry, I love Vito like a human, but he's a dog. Guinea pigs are rodents.) She cuts grass with scissors for him to eat. She brought him outside to meet us – seriously – and just kept covering his face and body with kisses. Then she'd yell "Ouch!" when he bit her with his little rodent teeth. Did I mention that he runs around in the house and on the furniture, leaving little rodent droppings?

I was thisclose to telling her that Vito had
killed a rodent once...


FunnyGal KAT said...

Ugh, bad neighbors are the worst because there's no way to get away from them. At our old house, the kid next door was busted for drugs right in front of our house (it was like an episode of "COPS," complete with the drug-sniffing canine, the mom running outside in a nightie to argue with the police and her shirtless boyfriend holding her back as she tried to open the cruiser door to let her son out). Fun times...

Who actually carries around a guinea pig? Actually, what adult actually owns one? I thought they were strictly supposed to be elementary classroom pets.

Bren said...

Our neighbors have 8 cars and only two adults in the house - so you can imagine the parking lot that is our street. Oh did I mention, the kids throw rocks at our house too. Nothing can ruin a neighborhood more than crappy neighbors!

And who willingly buys a guinea pig?

Little Ms Blogger said...

Hey...don't judge (#3 -- being out of work for 2 years now)...

The parking in front of my yard would not be happening. Let's put it this way...I went to visit my sister, her neighbor was having guests over who didn't want to park in front of neighbor's home or in empty driveway. Instead, they parked right in front of my sister's home right as I was about to park.

I pulled up behind them (which put my car partially in front of the house of the people they were going to visit) and politely introduced myself and asked how they knew my sister. They said they didn't and I told them to please move their car as I was here to visit my sister and they weren't.

I think they thought I was joking until I didn't move and to a parking space not in front of my sister's house and not on her lawn.

Btw, WTH are the neighbors letting their kids poke at your dog. I'd politely tell both parents that their children are going to get bit and you're not liable for any bills because they've been warned.

About the rodent...well, that's just bizarre.

Lori said...

Ever see that video clip where the kid gets a rodent (hamster, maybe?) and they have it outside, and it's sitting on top of its cage... and a hawk swoops down and nabs it? Yeah. Like that. ;-)

Tasha said...

Oh my gosh, what weirdos! The guinea pig thing is creepy! The van would annoy the piss out of me. Can you have that bad boy towed if you put up a "no parking" sign? That would be a nice goodbye gift when you guys move! ;-)