314 miles, big balls and a sore ass.

This past weekend I packed up and jumped into the Jetta for a fun-filled girls-only bachelorette weekend in Boston.

Some observations from the weekend:

TRUE: there’s nothing like a night out with the girls

FALSE: drinking like a twenty-something is just like drinking as a thirty-something

**

There are some skills you never lose:

• riding a bike

• peeing while balanced over a toilet seat

• being a Ms. Pac Man mastermind (I challenge anyone!)

**

Memorable quote of the night: “These balls are bigger than I’m used to.”*

**

You can’t miss with tradition: the extra large pink dildo that was purchased for MY bachelorette party five years ago resurfaced once again, after spending the last half-decade in a dining room buffet drawer...where poor Mr. Softee was once discovered by my friend’s mother.**

**

FACT: dirty martinis go down like water (maybe because they look like water?)

**

To the girls at the Karaoke bar: if you’re going to waste everyone’s time going on stage, for the love of pete you should at least know the song you’re singing. Hey, it’s okay to forget the words every now and again, the nice machine GIVES them to you. But, seriously? KNOW THE TUNE. (You’ve heard the song before, right?)

**

GOOD IDEA:

Switching to water at the end of the night

BAD IDEA:

Eating Ramen noodles on the couch while watching Sex and The City at 2:17am

**

The worst:

Suffering from my usual post-bowling hangover of a broken right thumb nail and severely sore hamstring and glute muscles. Am I that out of shape that I ache from bowling? A sore ass AND last place. Depressing.

**

Congrats to the bride-to-be, Leroy! It's almost time for me to embarrass you on your big day!

(kidding)

((kind of))

*location: bowling alley

**I believe she opened the drawer, peered inside, had a silent heart attack, then went about her business.