Dear Mommy and Daddy,
Your vacation is really cramping my style.
Normally when you leave for work, I curl up on the couch and take a nice nap.
Then I watch the neighborhood for a while. Growl at a few people walking their dogs. Race around the house following the mailman to every window barking at him. Grab a drink of water. Nap on the big bed. Empty my toy box. Nap in the patch of sunlight in the living room. Stretch. Bark. Wait for you to come home.
But now? With you home and coming and going all day long?
I relinquish my couch spot for the kitchen, in case you're feeling generous and giving handouts. You shush me when I bark at the neighbors. You talk to me all day, making napping nearly impossible. You're constantly putting my toys away. And after dinner, when we usually hang out together, that's when you leave!
Sure, I get to go outside more often, and get more treats, but it's HOT. And I'm wearing a freaking fur coat.
And also? Daddy, your insomnia is starting to affect me. You know how I hate when we're all not in the same room together. And when you come downstairs when you can't sleep, I have to split my time with you on the couch and Mommy in the big bed. I'm EXHAUSTED. I haven't been getting my 18 hours of sleep every day.
This pupper has bags under his eyes.
So please go back to work.
Or take me for a ride in the car (just not to the vet!)
Oh, and few more belly rubs, please.