The Common Courtesy Quiz

You enter a Ladies' Room where there are six stalls. One stall is occupied.

You:

A. Choose a stall NOT next to the occupied stall.
B. Choose a stall DIRECTLY next to the occupied stall.
C. Choose a stall DIRECTLY next to the occupied stall and start talking.
D. Choose a stall DIRECTLY next to the occupied stall, start talking and exclaim, "I'd know those shoes anywhere!"

I Want To Be On Food Network.

There. I said it.

I am in LOVE with the FN. It’s like my porn.

I think it started when I attended a taping of Emeril Live about 6 six years ago. I sat right at the counter! I met Emeril! I got to taste the food, enjoy some wine, joke with Rhoda.

Ever since then, I’ve been obsessed.

I want to be around all of that beautiful food.

I want my toughest decision being which burner on my Viking stove to turn on.

I want to use the phrase “fish monger”.

There are so many new faces on Food Network, that I often find myself screaming at the TV: “How come SHE got a show???” and “I could TOTALLY do that!!!”

I’m totally jealous.

Maybe I could start out slowly. Work my way up to my own show.

I could start out on Recipe Showdown.
(Um, Guy, did you get my submission for my burger recipe? Hello?)

Then I can be a guest star on Paula’s Best Dishes. We’ll share girl talk. We’ll cook comfort foods together. I’ll “WOW” her with my risotto.
(Sure, Paula, extra butter sounds divine!)

THEN, once I’m in with the FN execs, I’ll throw my idea for my show at them. They’ll fall in love with whole concept. They’ll offer me a show on the spot. We’ll film in the country in Connecticut. I’ll be a household name.

Hey Food Network – Call me!

Poor Packing Job

Mark Twain wrote, "If you don't like the weather in New England, just wait a few minutes."

And because of this, I was forced to do a very un-me packing job for my trip to Boston this past weekend.

Normally, I am an EXPERT packer. Once, I packed everything I needed for a week-long cruise (formal nights included!) in a carry-on suitcase.
(insert surprised-yet-impressed looks here)

KK’s Rule On Packing:

Pick a color theme and stick to it.

You should be able to mix and match your clothes throughout your entire trip. This also means limited accessories, 1 handbag and only 2 pairs of shoes (a difficult trade-off for me, who has over 100 pairs, all dying to be included).

THIS time, however, I had a bag bulging with stuff. You’d think I was heading on a world adventure instead of overnight at Mohegan Sun casino and two nights in Boston.

I had everything I needed.

Or so I thought.

WHAT I REALLY SHOULD HAVE PACKED THIS WEEKEND:

1. Earplugs. For when I woke up at 3:30am Friday morning to the sound of the people in the room next to us having sex. LOUDLY.
   
2. An Attitude Adjustment. For the beatnik loser who sat down at the poker table Friday morning. Now, it’s one thing to think you’re too cool for school (wearing your hippie glasses and playing $200 hands – on a $5 minimum table, btw). But you know what’s the complete opposite of cool? When you get yelled at by the pit boss to sit down. And to hold your cards over the table. And, eventually, how to play the game. I mean, really.
3. An Extra Stomach. (Oh, yes, perhaps the item I missed most on my trip.) One stomach to enjoy my delicious dinner Friday, then a second to swap in when stomach #1 gets sick all night from aforementioned fabulous meal. Did I mention being sick? At a hotel (read: not in my own bed and bathroom)? All night long? NOTE: the food that’s not the best to have eaten if you should become sick: BEETS.
4. An OFF Button. Guess who sat behind me at the Red Sox game? Mr. "I’ve Been There Done That Way Better And More Expensively Than Everyone Else On The Planet".
   Guess who didn’t shut up for three hours?
5. Decorum. To give to the lovebirds sitting in front of me in the grandstand. It’s great you guys have found each other (despite your ridiculous age difference). But in 90 degree weather? I’d love for you to NOT have your arm resting on my leg (you can remove your protective arm from her shoulders; those hot dog vendors are quite harmless). And I’d also love it if when she leaned forward, you didn’t stick your hand down her coin slot.

Weekend recap:

Amount of money I won at casino: negative dollars

Number of people in front of us to check in to the hotel in Boston: 35

Number of miles per hour I was able to drive home on the Mass Pike in the awful rain storm: 2 mph

Number of tiles on bathroom floor in Copley Hotel: 34 and a half

I've Totally Been There

Who hasn't?

One of my favorite email forwards! Got it again today and thought I'd share.


WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH

1. We have absolutely no idea where our purse is.
2. We believe that dancing with our ams overhead and wiggling our ass while yelling "Woo Hoo!" is truly the sexiest dance move around.
   
3. We've suddenly decided that we want to kick someone's ass and honestly believe we could do it, too.
4. In our last trip to pee, we realize that we now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess we thought we were just four hours ago.
   
5. We start crying and telling everyone we see that we love them SOOOO much.
   
6. We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because 'OHMYGOD! I LOVE this song!'
   
7. We've found a deeper, more spiritual side to the guy sitting next to us.
   
8. We've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.
   
9. We yell at the bartender, who we believe cheated us by giving us just lemonade (but that's just because we can no longer taste the alcohol).
10. We think we are in bed, but our pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.
11. We fail to notice that the toilet lid is down when we sit on it.
12. We take our shoes off because it's their fault that we're having problems walking straight.
    

I am guilty of 9 of these.

(That I will admit, at least)

He's Baaaaaaack!

Hooray!

Flipping Out is back on BRAVO tonight!

I can't wait to see my favorite OCD house flipper and his band of wacky assistants back for Season 2!

Set your DVR and/or Tivo!

Finally!

I saw Sex And The City this weekend.

(WARNING: Spoilers to follow!)

And I LOVED it.
(And "love" doesn't even seem to do my feelings justice.)

I know there have been mixed reviews – some say it was too long, some thought it was too silly and unbelievable (um, it was a MOVIE) and others claimed it missed the mark.

For me, it was 150 minutes of pure bliss.

Now, you have to understand that I LOVED the series. I never missed an episode, my entire weekend would revolve around sitting down in front of the TV on Sunday nights to catch the girls of NYC. (And shame on you if you even tried to talk to me during those blessedly short 28 minutes!)

FYI, when I heard they were making a movie, I immediately said I wouldn’t see it. I mean, the series was so good; how would they ever replicate that magic?

But one day in March I watched an extended preview of the movie. And I was hooked. I HAD too see this movie. I needed to be reunited with my four amigas.

And I couldn’t imagine seeing the movie with anyone other than my friend Joss. The two of us share a special bond – our infatuation with TJ Maxx, our love of cooking and cuisine, and our unexplainable girl-crush on the SATC foursome. And both of us had managed to shield ourselves from the media to avoid any spoilers.

We went to the 10:20am show on Saturday morning. The best part? We were the ONLY people there; we had the entire theater to ourselves! It was awesome. We laughed. We cried. We laughed when we cried again.

The movie was everything I could have asked for and more.

First of all, every single one of the original characters was cast. I squealed when I saw my beloved Stanford, cranky Magda and even my favorite Candace Bergen, back as the editor of Vogue.

Was the story a little hokey? Maybe.

Were some of the fashion choices over the top? Definitely. (But, oh, that Vivienne Westwood wedding gown – I have never seem something so beautiful!)

Do I have a hard time believing that these women have the money to do what they do? Absolutely. (Really? Samantha was bidding on a diamond ring for $50K? Doubtful.)

But for me, it wasn’t about the big picture (no pun intended). It was all those little details that enabled this long-awaited movie to touch my heart.

It was Charlotte clutching Carrie after she was jilted at the altar, pointing at Big and screaming “No! No!” with such protective vehemence for her friend, that veins were popping out of her neck.

It was Carrie, who after seeing Charlotte’s new baby, says to sweet, sweet, bald new daddy Harry, “I see she has Charlotte’s hair.”

And it was Samantha, who has always been known as being a hard ass with a heart of steel, spoon-feeding Carrie in Mexico to help mend her broken heart.

But by far, the best character in the movie was the new addition of Jennifer Hudson, as Carrie’s assistant Louise, who brings the author back to life from her heartbreak. Hudson is funny and warm, and a perfect addition to the already-stellar cast.

About halfway through the movie, I turned to Joss and said, “I could sit here all afternoon and watch this movie over and over.”

And the silly things? There were plenty. Once – just once – Carrie calls Mr. Big “John” when she enters the apartment. It’s the only time she does it in the entire movie, and it just didn’t feel right. At times Samantha’s wardrobe was a throwback to the 80’s. And Miranda, as always, was uptight and annoying.

When the series ended, I felt empty and hollow inside. Like, the book was unfinished. I was so much a part of the lives of these women, that I wanted to know what happened next.

So I was sad when the two and a half hours were over. I felt like I was saying good-bye to some old friends.

But it was just enough. And exactly what I needed.

And, to quote Mr. Big, “You need something to seal the deal.”

And that’s exactly what this movie did for me. It was the last chapter. I can finally close the book on my favorite foursome.

The Worst

I took a break today during lunch to get out and grab some food and enjoy this ridiculously nice weather we're having.

The sun is warm on my cheeks and the breeze is blowing through my hair. Perfect day for a walk downtown.

I decide on sushi.

ME: "I'd like a Jade Roll, please."

HOSTESS (laughing): "Whoa! That's a lot of food!"

ME: "It is?"

HOSTESS (still chuckling): "Should be plenty for you for lunch."

(I mean, I'm little, but that's just rude, no?)

(btw, ate the whole roll and it was DELICIOUS)