Tuesday Night Fight

So, how about me getting into a fight with a city bus driver last night?

My friend Jen and I were meeting our husbands at a burger bar downtown. Parking can be a nightmare, because you have to find a metered spot on the street. We were at a red light when I saw someone in the next block getting into her car.

ME: “There’s one in the next block!”

I’m secretly hoping the Honda Pilot in front of me isn’t eyeing up the same spot.

The minute we get into the intersection I put my right signal on as the Pilot cruises past the woman.

YES!!!

I come to a stop and wait.

And, of course, the woman is taking FOREVER to drive away. First she’s in the front seat. Then she gets out to do something in the back seat. Then…

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

Excuse me? That city bus behind us better NOT be beeping at ME.

Now the woman's back in the front seat.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEP! BEEEEEP!

WTF?

ME: “That bus is beeping at ME?”

We look back as the bus inches closer to the back of my car.

JEN: “Why does he keep moving up? Doesn’t he know we want this spot?”

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEP! BEEEEEP!

ME: “Okay, that’s getting really annoying. I’m NOT moving.”

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEP! BEEEEEP!

ME: "Is he leaning on the horn? What the f*ck?"

JEN: “He should’ve gone around us.”

ME: “He keeps inching closer.”

The woman has now turned the car on.

Hooray!

But she’s still not moving.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

What is this guy's problem???

I turn around and look directly in the bus driver’s eyes through my back window.

I mouth ‘I’M NOT MOVING’ to him.

There. That should show him.

Um, excuse me? You, in the parking spot, do you think you can hurry it up a bit?

Then, we hear a giant whoosh! of air.

JEN: “OHMYGOD! He’s getting out of the bus. He’s out of the bus. He’s coming up to the car.”

Here we go.

He approaches the passenger side of the car and starts screaming at me.

I don’t put the window down.

BD: “MOVE YOUR CAR!”

ME (screaming back so he can hear me through the window): “I’M NOT MOVING! I’M PARKING!”

BD: “SHE’S NOT LEAVING! MOVE IT SO I CAN DRIVE MY BUS!”

ME: “IT’S TWO LANES. GO AROUND ME!”

BD: “I CAN’T FIT!”

ME: “THEN YOU SHOULDN’T BE SO CLOSE TO ME!”

BD: “GET OUT OF THE WAY!”

ME: "YOU SHOULDN'T BE SO CLOSE TO ME!"

The bus driver is IRATE.

ME: “I’M NOT MOVING!”

Miraculously, the woman pulls out of the spot. The bus driver huffs back to his bus.

JEN (laughing): “I can’t believe he got out of the bus!”

ME: “I can’t believe this woman finally moved. Where was I supposed to go? I signaled that I was going to park.”

JEN: “You didn’t do anything wrong. He kept inching up closer to us!”

ME: “He’s an idiot.”

I pull up to park and the bus zooms by me.

I zip into the spot on the first try.

Even flustered I don’t lose my parallel parking skills.

(Burgers were delish, btw)