Monday, June 8, 2009

Dear Crap-Ass Neighbors,

I harbor a very intense dislike for you.*
(*self edit. To prevent reader suggestions that I need anger management classes)

Of course, on the one day that Mr. KK and I have together to hang outside and enjoy the beautiful weather doing little projects in our yard, you're having a birthday party for one of your bratty kids.

I knew I was in trouble when Vito and I were returning from our morning walk and you were unloading balloons and a cake the size of Rhode Island out of your stupid ugly blue caravan.

And then, you might as well have shoved a pine cone up my ass when you told me about Micah's birthday party that afternoon. And the 29 children that were attending.

So there we were, sawing and hammering and chopping up tree roots trying to build our vegetable garden, and 29 whining children (30 if I count your husband) were staring at us over the fence.

And I don't care how many dirty looks you gave me. Especially when little pieces of tree root flew over the fence as Mr. KK axed it all away. And I didn't feel bad when we ran the buzz saw. Loudly.

Hey, it was my weekend too.

And we had to do something to drown out the misery going on in your yard.



FunnyGal KAT said...

Ugh. Neighbors are the bane of my existence right now. Specifically, the ones who keep coming into our yard to skate on or fish from our pond, as though it's a public park and not-- you know-- our YARD. I dream of buying property that doesn't have neighbors for at least a mile in every direction.

Emily said...

HAHAHA that is fantastic.
Unfortunately I live in a very child/elderly couple oriented neighborhood. Not to mention my younger brother is still of an age where it is acceptable to host parties like that in the backyard. Worse than that of your party though...
That's right. This year for my brother is knights.
We will have 8 year olds and younger jousting in the backyard.

The Sorority said...

I so hear you! We have new neighbours behind us that have a pool and 3 LOUD kids. Where did they learn to be loud - why from their LOUD parents. They are seriously loud - last summer, the mom came out and yelled out to her boys, "Which one of you peed on the toilet seat?" Because everyone in our neighbourhood needed to know that!

Which is why, every time Arthur barks his fool head off or we are playing with him in the backyard, I so do not care! Scream away because I will have my dog bark and bark and bark!