Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Perhaps we need a more elaborate "avoidances" button

I named my GPS lady Flo.

Flo and I have been hanging out for a few years. We've gotten used to each other's nuances (her incessant demands, me constantly challenging her to 'recalculate' her route). But we've formed an unspoken understanding that she is to get me from Point A to Point B, no matter what.

And this worked for a while.

But it seems, that Flo just might be on the fritz.

Mr. KK and I took Flo with us this weekend on our weekend jaunt to Philly, to celebrate Mr. KK's birthday.

We tolerated Flo taking us over the George Washington Bridge in NY, even though we would much prefer to take the Tappan Zee. We accepted it when she took us off I-95 onto a secondary road, on the last leg of the trip.

But then, the trip turned into this:

Mr. KK: "She's telling us to take 30 West. Then straight on the ramp ahead."

KK: "I remember this area from when I went to Philly with the girls. It's really confusing."

Mr. KK: "It won't be confusing if we follow her. Bear right, then straight."

KK: "This way? Or this way? Or is it that way?" (semi-frantic; I HATE being lost)

FLO: "Recalculating!"

Dammit!

FLO: "Make a U-turn as soon as possible."

Mr. KK: "We're on a divided highway, Flo!"

FLO: "Recalculating!"

Gah!

KK: "We didn't even get a chance!"

FLO: "In 200 feet, make a Right onto Main St."

KK: "I'll never get across 3 lanes of traffic to make that turn!"

FLO: "Recalculating!"

Lord, help us.

I take the nearest right I can. Flo gets her bearings.

FLO: "Continue on Chestnut St. for 1.5 miles."

Which was fine, until Chestnut Street turned into the ghe-tto. With a capital G. And the best part? There was a light every 10 feet. And we caught the red at every one of them.

If Mr. KK wasn't in the car with my, I just may have pooped myself.

Mr. KK: "Just keep your eyes straight ahead."

Thank god it was still light out. The only thing missing from the neighborhood were people crowded around a trash can fire to keep warm.

FINALLY, Flo has us turn onto a MAJOR highway.

KK: "There's the Ben Franklin Bridge!"
My hands are shaking and I almost cry with relief.

While we're sitting on the bridge in traffic NOT MOVING, Flo recalculates three times.

WTF?

KK: "I think Flo is sick."

Mr. KK: "I think we need to find an alternate means of directions for the ride home."

I'm sorry Flo, but it seems our run together may be over.

2 comments:

Little Ms Blogger said...

I love that people completely rely on GPS. I print out directions and have a map in my car because I've seen a GPS take my sister over the GW when she should have gone over the Tappan Zee. That error cost her an additional 2 hours of her life she never got back.

FunnyGal KAT said...

The first time we used our fancy new GPS, it warned us about traffic ahead and offered to take us on a detour. Then it got us off in a not-at-all-nice part of Hartford and toured us straight through. It was the same thing: red lights every 10 feet as the PH and I (the only white people anywhere around) kept our eyes down. I would have rather spent the extra 10 minutes sitting in traffic on the highway.

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