Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Have You Heard About Dumpster Muffin?

You haven’t?

Well, she’s all over the TV in California. She is the TOP STORY on the evening news out there.

Don’t feel badly, I hadn’t heard of her either. But we have some family visiting from California, and the other night when they were at our house, she came up in conversation.
(Of course they misnamed her "Meadow Muffin" when they were retelling the story – a name that is equally hilarious.)

Dumpster Muffin is a protester who has been living in a tree for over 18 months in Berkeley. Apparently she, and other protesters, are angry that plans for a new sports training center call for clearing a grove of oak trees.

Ms. Muffin et al are outraged, so they’ve been living in the trees so that the university can’t tear them down.

Ridiculous, right?

Oh, but the story get better.

First off, they’ve been living in the trees for 18 months. Obvious questions aside (which I will get to later), who the hell has 18 months of their life to dedicate to sitting in a tree 24 hours a day?


That would mean they've been in the trees since late 2006. (which, if you think about it, seems like EONS ago, doesn’t it???)

Okay, now onto the immediate questions:

“How do they eat?” you may be wondering.

Well, the college is feeding them. Yep, that’s right. The college can’t imagine that these tree sitters would go hungry, so they are sending up food and water.
(There might be an answer here when students wonder why tuition has gone up for the Fall.)

“How do they go to the bathroom?” you may be asking yourself.

Well, they are going in the trees, somehow.

(If you’re also wondering “What do they do with it when they are done?” I have an answer for that, too: when people get too close to their trees on the ground, or try to climb up to them, they throw their feces at them. Lovely.)

Dumpster Muffin is their leader.

Apparently the college just doesn’t know what to do to get them out of the trees.

My solution: stop feeding them and giving them water. That way they’ll either:
a. come down when they’re so hungry they can’t stand it anymore or
b. just fall out when they die of hunger.

Simple enough, right?

(Hey, they are CHOOSING to be in the trees. They don’t have to stay there. They WANT to be there. IMHO, it is NOT the college’s responsibility to give them food and water. Hey, if they want to be in those trees so badly, then they should’ve had a plan on how they were going to eat. They should’ve thought it through a little more. Come up with a plan. That’s how the world works, people.)

So, in the midst of high gas and oil prices, violence and war, the Berkeley Tree Sitters are the top story out on the west coast.

I think the funniest thing from this whole ridiculous story, is the name “Dumpster Muffin”.

I guess if you’re going to be a professional protester (who else has 18 months on their hands?), then you need a cool protester name.

My protester name would be “Basket Case”.

What would YOURS be?


Lori said...

"Reckless Endangerment"
And, if the college students had shared enough beer with Dumpster Muffin, they all would've gotten drunky and fallen out of the trees long ago. Now, I love trees and the wilderness as much as anyone. But I draw the line at flinging poo.

Lori said...

I got tagged by a fellow blogger with the "Brillante Weblog" award (sorta like chain letters for blogs, I know) and I had to nominate other worthy bloggers... and I chose you! Just stop by Fermented Fur and copy the image, then post it to your blog and nominate seven others. We gotta share the love!

Muffy Willowbrook said...

I agree - who has freakin' 18 months of their life to sit in a tree??

And throw feces at people?! Disgusting! EW! Double EW!