Just The Facts, Ma'am

I work for a promotional marketing agency.

We have clients.

We are supposed to do everything possible to keep said clients happy.

Even when they are driving us crazy.

Even when they don’t know what they are talking about.

Even when they are making ridiculous requests.

We are supposed to smile and say, “No problem.”

But then, something like this happens, and you want to throw your ergonomically correct chair at them. Through the phone.

Here’s how it went down through emails. Which lead to a phone call. Which lead to more emails. Which lead to me losing my freaking mind*.

(sorry, incriminating details have been removed)

TO: KK
FROM: ACCOUNT PERSON
SUBJECT: SOURCES FOR COPY

Hi,

The client would like to know where we got our information for the tips we put in the piece.

Can you let me know?

Thanks!

(btw, I like this account person very much. Unfortunately, she’s stuck in the middle between the ridiculous client and my sanity)

TO: ACCOUNT PERSON
FROM: KK
RE: SOURCES FOR COPY

Sure.

That copy came from their website.

Thanks!

TO: KK
FROM: ACCOUNT PERSON
RE: SOURCES FOR COPY

The client said we still need to know where the info came from.

She’d like you to look into it.

This email leads to a phone call.

ME: “Hey, don’t they consider their website a reliable source?”

AP: “I guess not. We need to find out where they got their information.”

Oh, sure. I’ll just tap into my inner mind reading skills.

ME: “Don’t they have that information on file somewhere? How the hell am I going to find where they got their information for their website? I mean, really?”

Again: really?

ME: “What if it was a study done 10 years ago, before everything was on the internet and it only exists as a printed document in some old guy’s desk?”

AP: “I don’t know. I told them we’d look.”

The only thing I want to be looking for is a new job.

ME: “Fine. I just can’t believe that I have to tell THEM where they got information for their website. It’s ludicrous.”

Back to email.

TO: ACCOUNT PERSON
FROM: KK
SUBJECT: FUN FACTS

Okay, found a new fact and the source is WebMD.com

Woo hoo!

TO: KK
FROM: ACCOUNT PERSON
RE: FUN FACTS

Hey,

Don’t shoot the messenger, but checked with client and she said that WebMD isn’t a credible source, we need to know where THEY got their information.

Sorry.

WTF?

I’m starting to think I’m getting Punk’d.

TO: KK
FROM: ACCOUNT PERSON
RE: FUN FACTS

Just an FYI, they said if we can’t find facts with reliable sources then we can just leave them out.

Oh, no! I don’t THINK so!

I’ve dedicated over two months to this stupid job.

We’re NOT. Getting. Rid. Of. The. Facts.

TO: ACCOUNT PERSON
FROM: KK
SUBJECT: Factual Healing

Here are the latest facts.

Found on WebMD.

Who apparently got them from the New England Journal of Medicine. Who, I think, got them straight from The Lord himself.

I have hard copies if you need them.

And a urine sample.

*Source: kk’s fried brain