Monday, November 16, 2009

Hear no evil

Yesterday, I woke up deaf.

Well, not entirely, but my ears were clogged and it was like I was underwater.

Frankly, it scared the crap out of me. My grandmother went for YEARS with reduced hearing because she was too proud and vain to get a hearing aid. I definitely don't take after her, because after one hour of feeling like I was in a tunnel and asking Mr. KK "What?" after every word he uttered, I was ready to head to Belltone and sign myself up.
(Except that I was too afraid to drive like that, so I would have had to ask for a ride)

The deafness didn't get any better. In fact, it got worse. To the point where Mr. KK and I would be standing in the same room having a conversation and he'd start laughing at me.

KK: "Why are you laughing?"
Mr. KK: "Because you're yelling to hear yourself talk."

Gotta love marital support.

When we were in church at the baptism, I "whispered" to Mr. KK: "Do you think I could ask God to give me back my hearing?" I wasn't sure if that was being selfish, considering I hadn't been to church since Aunt Mary's funeral.

So I spent most of the baptism having imaginary conversation like this in my (clouded) head:

KK: "Um, God, can you do me a solid? Can you make it so I can hear again?"
GOD: "You're asking me for a favor? When was the last time you did something for me?"
KK: "Well, I work with tons of stupid people, and I haven't killed any of them yet..."
GOD (raised eyebrows; yes, God has eyebrows, in case you were wondering): "Have you helped anyone out?"
KK: "Well, I gave a shitload – I mean TON – of clothes to Goodwill! And nice things too – designer shoes, Polo T-shirts, Calvin Klein pants..."
GOD: "Maybe being hard of hearing will make you more sensitive to others with disabilities. Or, maybe it means you have wax build up."

God, apparently, has a sense of humor and medical degree.

4 comments:

Lori said...

So, did you get un-cloggy? I was like that for a whole day after the Ragweed concert at the Bluebird in June! :-) Everything sounded far away and flat the next day, like I was missing whole hunks of the hearing spectrum.

Little Ms Blogger said...

So how did you clear up the problem?

Ever try ear candling?

kk said...

Miraculously, i woke up Monday and everything was fine.

Maybe I was super congested?

I've SEEN that ear candling thing...it scares me a little bit!

Jen said...

I love your conversation with God! That was wonderful. I hope you got your hearing back, now you need to learn how to turn it on and off at will. It really comes in handy. And thanks for dealing with the stupid people, someone has to do it and if God doesn't find that to be near saint hood then you might have been talking to an impostor.

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