Tricks, treats and a whole month of me

I love our house in the Fall.

Four years ago this weekend, we moved into our house. It was also the weekend that we discovered that our doorbell didn't work. But we never fixed it. We thought a broken doorbell would help alleviate some of the pain Vito associates with Halloween. Maybe he'd bark less if the little ghosts and goblins couldn't announce their arrival with a chiming bell.

Alas, we were wrong. Even without the doorbell, Vito knew someone (or a group of someones) was at our door, begging for candy. He would bark himself hoarse, throwing his little black body up against the glass french door, while I furiously threw candy into the open bags and pillowcases of half-petrified kids. Oh, it's quite a scene, let me tell you.

This year we were going out for Halloween – the first time in like 7 years. We were decked out in our 1920's best, and ready to ship Vito off to my parents' house for the night. They live on a dead end, and rarely get trick-or-treaters.

Even though I knew we were going out, I still made my little Halloween treat bags for the kiddies, in hopes that a few little monsters would come to our house before we had to go out. (We ended up leaving a lot earlier than I had hoped, so we are now left with over 100 treat bags filled with candy. Poor Mr. KK, he's doomed. He has ZERO will power when it comes to candy.)

The half hour we had trick or treaters was the strangest 30 minutes I've ever had on Halloween.

5:37pm

Ding dong!

What the?

The doorbell works again???

BARK! BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK! BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!

Standing on the doorstep is a little witch.

Vito is bouncing up and down, blocking the door to the foyer. The little witch watches as Vito and I begin a sort of comical dance as I try and maneuver myself through an opening so thin even Gumby would have difficulty. I have one hand on Vito's chest in an attempt to push him back so I can scoot into the foyer and get the door shut behind me. In the midst of his barking he almost takes off my hand. I'm bending over, and can feel a draft up the back of my flapper dress. I'm finally able to slam the door shut, and Vito's barking is ever-so muffled, but his little body on the glass door is loud as can be.

Little witch: "Trick or treat!" This girl's got some patience, as it's taken me 3 full minuted to move 2 feet and answer the door.

Vito serenades the scene from behind the french door.

KK: "Trick or treat!"

Little witch: "I like your dog."

KK: "Really? Do you want him?"

I drop a treat bag into her bag and she bounds off the steps.

I coerce Vito upstairs and put up a baby gate. Unfortunately this gives him a better view of the front door and neighborhood, but thankfully keeps him away from the door.

5:46pm

Ding dong!

BARK! BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK! BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!

A pre-teen boy is standing on the steps wearing his Little League uniform. I mean, really? That's his costume? Where's the originality?

Boy: "Trick or treat." Said with much less enthusiasm as my little witch.

KK: "Where's your bag?"

Boy: "Huh?"

KK: "Your bag. For your candy? Why don't you have one?"

Come on now. You're getting free candy all over the neighborhood. The least you can do is make a frickin' effort.

Boy: "I don't have one. You giving out candy?" He eyes me suspiciously, but keeps a cautious eye on the ferocious beast at the top of the stairs.

I HAND him a treat bag and he runs off the steps.

Seriously, where's he going to keep all of his candy???

5:52pm

Ding dong!

BARK! BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK! BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!

A woman dressed as a black cat is standing on our doorstep. I approach the door with the bowl of candy bags. I peek behind her to see if she's hiding a child somewhere. Do adults go trick or treating now?

CAT: "Hi. I don't need any candy. I'm your neighbor Sheila's niece. I was hoping we could borrow a corkscrew? I thought for sure you'd have one."

Well, if there's anything we have in this house (besides 118 candy treat bags) it's alcohol and all booze-related accessories.

Even though she promises to bring it right back, I refrain from giving her my favorite Rabbit wine opener. Instead, I give her a heavy-duty twisty one that we've never used.

Mr. KK (from upstairs): "Did you just give a child something from our bar?"

6:03pm

Ding dong!

BARK! BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK! BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!BARK!

The little witch is back on our doorstep.

I open the door and she hands me our corkscrew.


((get out the trumpets and start the fanfare...it's Day 1 of NaBloPoMo at 'will work for shoes'! I'm not sure I'm ready for this – hell, I'm not sure YOU'RE ready for this. I should have started with something easier, like NaShoBuMo "National Shoe Buying Month" or NaCoWhiMo "National Complaining and Whining Month". Fasten your seat belts...it's going to be a crazy month!))