Sunday, November 22, 2009

In case we're ever tardy...

I want you to know why.

All of my life, I've been a punctual person. More than punctual. I'm an early arriver.

Job interview, 45 minutes early.
Meeting friends for drinks, one martini before everyone else.
Doctor appointments, one magazine ahead of schedule.

But together, me and Mr. KK can never make it anywhere on time.

Take today, for instance.

My mother was having birthday dinner at her house for my grandmother (Happy Birthday, Gram!). We had a few things to do around the yard, so I told my mother we'd be there around 3pm.

Today, 1pm

Mr. KK and I decide to do yard work together. We never do yard work together because I'm usually at the grocery store. Or shopping. Or having my nails done. You know, stuff that's more important than pruning and raking.

KK: "This will be fun. I can wear those gardening gloves you bought me a few years ago. Where are they?"

Mr. KK: "In the garage. With the tags still on them."

1:01pm

Mr. KK calls his mother to check in and see what's up.

1:13pm

Mr. KK is still on the phone.

1:19pm

Mr. KK is STILL on the phone.

1:23pm

We finally head outside to put all of our leaves on the back of the pickup truck. Mr. KK backs the truck up across the yard to the back fence. We start piling leaves on the truck. And more leaves. And more leaves.

1:47pm

I've never seen so many leaves.

2:03pm

I officially hate yard work.

2:16pm

OLD NEIGHBOR: "Hey, I'm admiring your supervisor out there."

MR. KK (laughing): "Oh yeah, I have help today."

Are they patronizing me? I'm pretty sure the entire neighborhood thinks Mr. KK lives here alone. They have no idea who I am.

KK: "Yes, I'm a great supervisor. Let me know if you want me to come over and supervise YOU."

2:something

KK: "What time is it? We have to be at my mom's at 3pm."

Mr. KK: "Look inside the truck."

KK: "Is it on?"

Mr. KK: "Yeah, the radio's on."

KK: "Not anymore."

2:33pm

Battery dies in the truck.

2:34pm

KK: "What are we going to do now?"

Mr. KK: "We'll have to drive the Rav 4 back here and jump the truck."

KK: "How many cars are we going to have back here? We already look like Sanford and Son."

2:46pm

I come inside to get the other set of keys and notice that Vito has thrown up on the rug – twice.

2:49pm

We jump the truck. I come inside to clean up vomit and clean up myself.

2:59pm

Mr. KK is still outside. Now he's fertilizing the lawn.

Really???

Now???

3:00pm

I call my mom.

KK: "Hey, we're not going to be there by 3pm."

MOM: "Really? What makes you say that? The fact that it's 3?"

KK: "See you at 3:30pm."

3:03pm

I run to the store to pick up flowers, get gas and then come back and pick up Mr. KK.

3:31pm

We arrive at my mom's house.

3:32pm

MOM: "You're late."

KK: "After the afternoon we've had, you're lucky we made it at all."

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